Mummy showed me this, don't let anyone tell you this isnt true!

Subject: Dog haiku

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with this long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up in the sunshine,
happier than you ever will beToday

I sniffed Many dog butts-
I celebrate by kissing your face.

I sound the alarm! Paperboy-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm! Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm! Meter reader-come to kill all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm! Garbage man-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm! Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and wiz on each bush.
Hello, Spot - Sniff this and weep

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as my hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have made a puddle

I hate my choke chain - Look, world, they strangle me!
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin on your foot - no greater bliss -
well, maybe catching cats

Look in my eyes and deny it.
No human could love you as much I do

The cat is not all bad-
she fills the litter box with Tootsie Rolls

Dig under fence-why?
Because it's there. Because it's There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially when you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more -I call them a vocation

My owners' mood is romantic-I lie near their feet.
I fart a big one.